if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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