How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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