But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
