After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
