I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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