he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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