i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
