Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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