The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize