i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
