i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
