Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
