Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
