Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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