I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she smelled like a LAN party
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
