I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
