I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
