Umm I'm too high to move.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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