You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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