I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
