She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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