Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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