my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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