I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
