i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
