I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
