I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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