i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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