Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
