just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
