she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
