Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
