everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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