If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh god the rape fog is back!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
