i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
