I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
