There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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