the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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