six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
