we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
