I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Randomize
