got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
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