you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
