wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
