Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
