Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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