youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
