she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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