I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
