tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
