She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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