I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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