Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
