our cab driver is having phone sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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