I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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