There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
