Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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