i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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