i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize