do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
