I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize