My brain says no but my pants say off.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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