God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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