remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
