So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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