I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
