just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
