The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
