the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
