I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
