No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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