I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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